If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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