yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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