i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
