and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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