I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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