i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hippo gnu deer
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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