I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
