Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
