I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
