In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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