I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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