yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
