I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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