after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize