WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
