she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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