We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
