# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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