i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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