so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
