He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
