god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
