his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
