Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
