At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
