Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this will be a night to untag.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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