to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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