Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You pole danced in your parka.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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