My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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