after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize