Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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