Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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