The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
