i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
