I think i peed on brittanys purse
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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