It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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