i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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