I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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