I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
