I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize