And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
