I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You dont lie about slip and slides
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
