Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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