It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
