Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
