I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
