So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Even my vagina gasped.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
