So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
