just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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