There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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