dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Alive.
So much puke
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
