her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there is puke in my bra ... again
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