I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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