Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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