I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
