I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
high people should be assigned attendants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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