my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize