that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
