hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
