Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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