Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
