His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
