90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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