I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
