So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I believe in your delicious
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
