My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
