you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
