Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
