You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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