Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
