the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I love having hate sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
is that a dick in a sweater?
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