my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
