Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i dont even know how to be here
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
