If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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