How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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