thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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