I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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