these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
