i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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