8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
