does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
