Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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