So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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