You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
