He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
