I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize