Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
