I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
