if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
