you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
