There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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