I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
