Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
