the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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