i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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