Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
