i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
