The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
