i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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