chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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